Marriage is not just a commitment to each other; it’s a promise to be there for one another, prioritizing each other above anyone else. That is the very definition of ‘cleaving unto each other and none else’. This intimate conversation between Sara and Cameron Watson, a married couple of over 25 years, is a candid exploration of this principle and its importance in maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
The Meaning of ‘Cleave’
Sara starts the conversation by defining what ‘cleaving’ means to her in the context of marriage. For her, it signifies turning to your spouse as the ‘first responder’ to share things, seek advice, or seek help. Cameron, on the other hand, perceives the word ‘cleave’ as being bound together. To him, going to your partner for all things stems from this deep bond.
Lessons from the Past
In their years of marriage, the Watsons have experienced situations that tested their understanding of ‘cleaving’. One incident, amusingly dubbed ‘the brake story’, involved Cameron fixing their car’s brakes, and Sara, out of fear and lack of confidence in Cameron’s abilities, called her father for help. This story serves as a testament to the early days of their marriage, illustrating the journey of developing trust and the shift from relying on parents to relying on each other.
Sara admits to having had a less mature understanding of relationships at the beginning of their marriage, often turning to her family for advice or support. However, Cameron explains his perspective, recounting how his mother emphasized that once married, his wife should always come first. This mindset helped him develop a deep-seated understanding of ‘cleaving’ from the beginning.
Cleaving in Practice
The Watsons’ conversation delves into the importance of open communication and intimacy in marriage. They assert that while it is acceptable to have other people in one’s life, a spouse should be informed about all aspects of their partner’s life. An intimate relationship with someone outside the marriage, surpassing the intimacy with one’s spouse, can be a significant red flag, indicating a lack of ‘cleaving’.
Despite their different backgrounds and individual interpretations, Sara and Cameron Watson’s conversation manifests the essence of ‘cleaving unto your spouse and none else’. It’s about trust, prioritizing each other, open communication, and cherishing the intimate bond shared within the sacred commitment called marriage.
It’s a powerful reminder that a successful marriage requires ongoing work, empathy, and respect for each other’s boundaries. Indeed, to ‘cleave unto each other and none else’ is to honor and nurture the eternal bond that marriage represents. It’s about moving through life hand-in-hand, united in love, trust, and mutual respect.
Cleave Unto None Else
Sara Watson: [00:00:00] Hey, we’re gonna have to edit this video. I
Cameron Watson: think we should release it like this because this is us
so how long have we been married?
Sara Watson: Over 25 years.
Cameron Watson: All right, and what what does it mean to cleave unto each other and none else?
Sara Watson: It means a lot of things, but the first thing that comes to my mind is when you have something to share or something important or. Something you need, you go to your spouse first.
Sometimes when, , I need to purchase something or need help with something, even if it’s not necessarily something that my spouse can fulfill, I will go and talk to my spouse first. About [00:01:00] how to go about doing it. So he’s my, first responder to, all things.
That’s what it means to me as far as how I perceive it in my own brain.
Cameron Watson: Gotcha. I I actually don’t like the word cleave because it has two meanings that are opposite. One is to bind together and the other one is to separate like a cleaver or a knife, and. It’s, just an interesting word, but for me it’s being bound.
And I think what you’re talking is the fruit of being bound. In other words, you go to that person for all of those things because you’re bound to that person and go ahead. I agree with that. Yeah. I A hard thing is as a couple coming together we’ve been together 25 plus years, but [00:02:00] when we first started out, we had those that we used, that we had bound, we were bound to before for things.
And I Do you mind if we share the break story? No. Okay. I don’t know how long we’ve been married. It had to be for a couple years. I needed to replace the brakes on the car. And it’s an area that you didn’t know whether or not I had any expertise. And brakes important. Important.
You get it right. It was the summer and I wanted to do it at my parents’ house because I could pull the car into the garage and work out of the sun. And so I’m over at my folks place and I’m replacing I’m, Working on the brakes, and you asked me if, I should call your dad. And I distinctly remember, going, no, I, why would I call your dad?
I’m just [00:03:00] working on the brakes. And I said, no. And then the next thing I know, your dad shows up. So that’s my recollection. What’s your recollection? How did it
Sara Watson: You’re right. I wasn’t knowledgeable or confident in your ability to. To do stuff cuz I didn’t yeah, we were married, but I didn’t really know you.
Yeah. Honestly I didn’t know your ins and outs and I knew my dad. I knew my dad knew how to fix breaks and I, trusted him. To be able to do it and to do it right. And I didn’t have that trust with you yet and, I made the mistake of trust my, definition of trust being, I’ve experienced this with this person before and I know that they’re capable of doing it.[00:04:00]
Not, I’m choosing to trust that my husband knows what he’s doing and letting him ex experience this. Whether he knows how to do it or not, whether it works or not I’m gonna choose to trust him. So there’s two different trusts for me. There’s the one that’s built on something and then there’s the one that I choose to do.
Cameron Watson: So that’s an interesting, that’s very interesting. Yeah. So there it’s like almost faith. There’s a faith trust of, you know what, I have faith that in the end it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna trust them. And then the other one is, I have so much experience, I don’t need the faith. I just know that they got this, they have that down.
Okay. So in this case, you didn’t have the experience. I had never replaced the brakes and right on our vehicles [00:05:00] before.
Sara Watson: And I didn’t have, and I hadn’t made the decision to trust you. I hadn’t made that decision to say if he fails, that’s okay. I’m willing to let him try this and to exercise my trust in
Cameron Watson: him.
Yeah. What’s the worst that can happen? Bad breaks. It’s not like you need to stop with a 2000
Sara Watson: pound car. It would be obvious if that it’s not like we would die because, okay. You would test
Cameron Watson: them before we Yeah
Sara Watson: Something similar happened when we lived in the Artesian house where you were like, Hey, I’m gonna take this wall, wall down.
And I was like, what? No, the, cuz that wasn’t something that you just do in my experience. You plan it out, you stew over it for months before you act on anything. Thing and you were just [00:06:00] like, I’m taking this wall down and, then you did it and it turned out really good. And so I was starting to develop that understanding of you say that you can do things and you actually can do them even if I don’t understand, even if I don’t have a firm understanding of how.
And so I did. Start to develop that, the trust as far as the experience goes. But I think it’s important for new couples to have the conversation with someone who has years of experience in marriage to talk to them about how do you cleave unto your spouse because. There’s things that you’ve experienced too with me where you’re like do I trust this?
Do I trust [00:07:00] my wife painting my child’s mouth purple? I don’t know what things that you’ve had to work on or been scared about, because you’re better at, you’re better at exercising trust than I am.
Cameron Watson: And I, think that’s comes down to the choice. Aspect. Cuz I I was scared of heights, I was terrified of heights growing up.
And sometimes I just had to deal with it. And the, scripture that would come to my mind is trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not upon thine own understanding. And so for me that proverb is what I would say in my mind before I had to step. Out onto a ledge or step close to the edge of something that would have a railing just high enough to get me spinning on my way down.
That’s what I would imagine. It was horrible. [00:08:00] And so in the same way when we got married I chose to trust your judgment because one, I would rather put my trust in you as a couple and weigh the, Downside it, it was a calculation putting jinsin violet, is that what it was?
Jinchen violet. Jinchen violet on the inside of the kids’ mouths when they had thrush. It looked bizarre, but what was I, didn’t know any different and so there was not gonna be any harm and it allowed me to to draw or Cleve. Unto you and none else. I didn’t call my mom up and say, Hey mom, my wife’s putting up this the ultimate betrayal by the [00:09:00] way, would’ve been me to call my mom and say, mom, Sarah is putting purple die on the inside of your grandbabies, right?
That would’ve been horrible because that’s me proclaiming that her relationship with our kid is more important than our relationship with each other, and that. Your priorities were not for your own child. Were at a lesser than my mom’s for her grandbabies. So for, and I know that’s not a normal logic tree, but that’s how my mind works is and
Sara Watson: I’m curious as to how you mentioned that scripture of trust in the Lord, that God, which yeah.
Trust in the Lord, that God, he’s all known. When he’s all powerful, that’s a little bit easier to do than to trust in a man who has faults and who makes mistakes. Sure. [00:10:00] But how I, do feel that when we got married, I was less
Cameron Watson: cle
Sara Watson: mature. I didn’t have a lot of. Training or, knowledge about relationships.
I just knew what I saw. I knew what I observed and I, it was never a conversation of I never had conversations with my parents about this is how relationships work and this is you have re relationship talks with your kids all the time. I didn’t have those. I, all I had was observation.
This is, that’s a good thing. That’s a bad thing that in my own perception, there was no, I didn’t really think about it. So how, when we got married, how did you already know how to do [00:11:00] that? Because you were good at it. You didn’t ever call your mom when you were frustrated or didn’t know what to do? You, talked to me, but I called my dad a lot.
And my sisters and I was like, I don’t know what to do here. Because, and so I was less mature and I don’t know. I don’t know why. I don’t know what that’s
Cameron Watson: based on. Some of it is that my mom told me that, Hey, when you get married, she’s first, I’m second, and she didn’t say, I’m second. She just said, your wife is first, right?
And so make sure you get a good one. And so I did that, checked on. Cross that one off the to-do list. And then it was all about building that eternal relationship that was supposed to last beyond this world. And I, know it sounds [00:12:00] sappy, but I really did measure things based on the longevity of the consequence.
And when it is eternal, that means all the physical things, all the temp, all of these things here in mortality. They all are submissive to the eternal perspective, and for me, getting married, we were being married for time and all eternity. So even if it resulted in the death of a child, which would be tragic and horrific and awful, that is sub the our marriage together for time in eternity.
And that outlook is the, touchstone the, benchmark, the ruler that I weighed everything else out. And having my mom have those lessons that I’m doing with our kids was very helpful so that I knew that yes, I could go to her, [00:13:00] but she would never, number one, never. Has she ever spoken against you?
Not once even. I’m sure she’s held back. Because she’s human and you’re human, and I’m sure that she disagrees with some things, but it’s always her design for. Her desire for me and you were is the same that I have for us, which is eternal. And so if I didn’t feel comfortable going to her because she had let me know, Hey, this is you’re choosing to marry her for eternity, I.
She’s first so cle her and none else. In other words you, can’t rely on me for that. And is she there when I’m down? Of course. Do I call her? Yes. Do I talk to her about business and advice? Absolutely. I’d be stupid not to. However, I Cleveland to you only, [00:14:00] so I rely on you. And all the judgment stuff, the trust aspects, it was a decision in the same way that I would decide to get closer to an edge when I was petrified and my body would be shaking as I would get closer, and then I’d break out into hives, uhhuh.
But yeah, it’s. That’s how it was for me when, and so when we got married, there wasn’t a, I didn’t have to change. It was, oh, I’m now married. I have to shift this devotion and trust and cleaving from my parents to my spouse and the nun else that that was the part that would resonate if I. Was I, and even when I would go to them, I’d have to remember not to go beyond a certain point because that would not be none else, that I would be essentially going to them [00:15:00] in cleaving unto them instead of you.
And I have trusted friends and I have trusted family, but it’s, different when it’s cleaving.
Sara Watson: Yeah it’s, a and I, think I had to learn it over time in our marriage. But I could explain it better to the kids now as we’re raising them and as they have questions. But it’s a it, isn’t that you don’t have other people or other influences in your life, it’s just that your spouse, Knows about all of it and it, and if there’s ever a case where you’re having a relationship with someone outside of your marriage where you’re more intimate than you are with your spouse, that’s a huge red flag.
Yeah. Because if you’re, even if [00:16:00] it’s a parent, even it’s if it’s one of your parents and you have a more intimate relationship where you talk to them about everything and you share everything and, you’re not, Sharing those things with your spouse, that is a red flag because that means you’re not cleaving to your spouse and they’re not number one.
So that’s a problem. Yeah. Anyway, but I did learn that after we got married.
Cameron Watson: Yeah. And I think you’ve been, I think you, we’ve cleaved to each other really well, especially during these times of trial. Nobody knows. Yeah. About all of it. I guess we’re gonna be recording videos so that then everybody will know, but that’s a weird thing to think about.
Sara Watson: Maybe not everything. I don’t know.
Cameron Watson: I can only think of two things that I will not [00:17:00] be sharing too.
Sara Watson: Okay.
Cameron Watson: And you know what one of ‘em is? I win the Lyr suit. Oh, if you’re gonna, if you’re gonna bring up the Lyr suit, I’m gonna bring up our honeymoon.
Sara Watson: Hey, we’re gonna have to edit this video. I
Cameron Watson: think we should release it like this because this is us bargaining and oh man.
All right let’s the one thing that I wanna just wrap this up with is, as hard as it is to cleave your spouse and none else, It’s worth it.
It’s worth it.