A Journey of Resilience and Joy
[00:00:00] Kyle: Hey, Kyle. Hey Cameron. How you doing today? I’m doing great. How are you? Doing? Pretty good. You know, we both, before we got on, talked about how busy we are, but with busyness comes, uh, goodness, right? Generally. Mm-hmm. Generally it does. So. So why don’t you start, Cameron, there’s a, we’re gonna, we talked a little bit about focusing more on specific subjects.
So tell me what you got on your mind, Cameron.
[00:00:27] Cameron: Well, uh, so yesterday my son, uh, gave a talk in church and it was a fantastic talk and it, it’s a milestone because he’s about to start a service mission for our church, uh, where he’s gonna dedicate two years of his life to serving. Our community, and it’s not a, um, it’s not something you would expect from 19 year olds to do.
Right. It, it’s a little bit of an unusual thing and a good friend of ours, uh, who probably has more influence on us than she possibly can realize, asked me a question. She goes, how is it watching him up there talk in church, knowing that two and a half, three years ago. He was suicidal and self-injury and all of these things.
And it was very, it was great timing. ’cause I had just had the talk with him, uh, two days before that talking about, wow, look at where you’re at. Look at where you’re at compared to where you were two years ago, three years ago. And, um, you know, he used this expression, he said, you know, it seems like it’s overly dramatic to say I was near death, but I was near death and now I’m not.
And I, I get what he was saying because, you know, when he was suicidal and he wrote his notes and had his attempts, it was, he, he could have been successful and he, his mortality, his journey and mortality would be over. Yet now, two years later, he’s serving his community and he’s focused in on, uh, good things.
And his bad days are way better than his best days used to be.
[00:02:26] Kyle: That’s, so the point here is do we take the, I guess you’re asking do we take the time to look back?
[00:02:35] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:37] Kyle: And you know, I’m, I, one of my, one of my lessons I caught, uh, it’s about comparisons. Yeah. Comparing yourself to your previous self or sometimes comparing yourself to others and, and. It can be a trap, but it can also motivate you, right?
[00:02:55] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:02:56] Kyle: And so we’ve gotta, I think what, what ends up happening, and this is just me, so I’m gonna speak from my personal experience. Um, I can work at something, I can lose myself in working on something.
[00:03:08] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:09] Kyle: And then accomplish it without, without even really knowing it or at least be closer to. And, and I think we’ve all struggled with this at times, right?
[00:03:18] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:03:19] Kyle: Where we we’re so busy in the activity or focused on the day-to-day of it that the unattainable goal may have already come and gone and where, right.
[00:03:33] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:03:33] Kyle: Yeah. And that’s a, that, that happens periodically.
[00:03:36] Cameron: I think what the issue you’re describing is the most important things in life don’t have a finish line, so you never cross it.
So if you’re never crossing it, how do you tell if you’re doing better than you were before? Because how do you win? How do you win? How do you win? What does
[00:03:55] Kyle: it look like? How to win?
[00:03:56] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:03:57] Kyle: And I’ve got, I’ve got a story that goes along with that because, you know, years ago Shelley and I were struggling with our kids and I, you know, I had read a book years ago, I think it’s called Imaging.
It’s by one of those, you know, the original Napoleon Hill guys or, okay. Yeah. You know, there’s five or six guys that come from that generation that wrote a lot of self-help stuff.
[00:04:17] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:04:17] Kyle: But this one’s called imaging. And at the time we were struggling, you know, the book says basically, you should imagine what you want your future to be like and.
Vividly picture it and add colors and, you know, noises and a mu maybe a musical background. And it really requires you to stop everything and think about it real deeply. And at the time we were struggling so much that I remember imagining, you know, my perfect future. And in the perfect future I had my kids walking around, getting along with each other and you know, my wife and I were loving on each other and, and everything was beautiful and there was no conflict.
Right. And I remember going through this, going through this and it, and I actually imagined the perfect world. And then I caught myself after a few minutes saying, wait a minute, if I’m assuming someday my kids are gonna grow up and there’s gonna be no conflict between, boy, you know, my, my boys and me, or my wife and me, or, that’s just kind of a false reality, you know?
And so I had to, I, I kinda had to reset. What, and I’m not gonna call it perfection, I’m gonna call it, you know, a future happiness or a future joy would look like.
[00:05:34] Cameron: Mm-hmm. And it
[00:05:35] Kyle: was a little different than the perfect world. Right. Okay. It was a little different than Utopia. Right. But it was, it was the attempts as we faced challenges to get along or to, or to go through ’em with the right spirit or, you know, and it, and, uh, I remember.
Kind of writing down and, you know, I’m a writer. I’ll sit down and write down kind of some of the things that I think I can do to, that’ll get us closer to that eventual, joyful, happy family that, you know, in general wants to get along and mm-hmm. You know, face this conflict with the right kind of spirit and those kind of things.
And I, and I kind of made the activities that I thought would lead us there kind of a habit and, and I would like to think that a lot of my. Became more of my patterns than the past and I kind of, I think I kind of forgot about that, you know, the imaging or what I had done. But it was interesting ’cause just a few years ago, maybe four or five years ago, I remember we went over to the park together as a family and I was wearing flip flops and turns out they needed an extra basketball player and I wasn’t really prepared to play.
[00:06:48] Cameron: Right.
[00:06:49] Kyle: But it was a, it was just a goofy game, and I thought I’ll just go out there in my flip flops and just, you know, walk around and make a few passes and Sure. The competition got a little hot, a little hotter. And the next thing I know I’m, I twist my knee. Oh, right. And so I have to. I have to get off the court and, and because I twisted my knee, I was walking so weird for the next couple days, I ended up wrenching my back real bad.
[00:07:15] Cameron: Oh yeah. And I
[00:07:15] Kyle: went through a, a week of this pain before the Friday night after that comes along and my wife says, here’s the deal, Kyle, I, you need to stop and just rest and just sit in the chair and ice your back and you know, I’ll, I’ll take care of things this weekend. You just sit there. I got it. You know, I want you to get better.
’cause I can tell you’re not gonna stop going and you’re not gonna get better unless you stop. And I remember sitting on the couch or on the chair, I have a, a lazy boy and I was sitting on that chair and I just watched that weekend. I watched my family interact
[00:07:52] Cameron: and
[00:07:52] Kyle: tool around and, and by by Saturday night I realized that a lot of the things that I had pre had wanted to predict a happy family would look like.
Was kind of what was going in our on in our home.
[00:08:05] Cameron: Wow. That’s cool.
[00:08:06] Kyle: And I saw my kids getting along and, you know, even though there was conflict, they managed it well and they figured some things out. And my, you know, uh, my wife was taking good care of me when I needed her to, and, and it was just really kind of a, it took a, it took a twisted knee and a, and a hurt back for me to stop moving forward so much that I could sit back and kind of view.
From the outside in.
[00:08:31] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:32] Kyle: And it was interesting to see that I had lost myself in the activity so much that I didn’t realize I was living in the kind of world that I really wanted to live in, that I had kind of imaged, you know, to a certain extent. Um, but it was, I think image imagining it, first of all, and everything being perfect, I think was a good exercise.
’cause I realized that’s not reality.
[00:08:56] Cameron: Sure.
[00:08:56] Kyle: You know? And so I, I was able to readjust and say, okay, you know, we want our kids to be, you know, emotionally resilient and strong and kind and loving and, you know, they’re on their path to, to treating the world that way. And, you know, all the things that we imagine and the relationship they had with my wife was good.
And, you know, these are the things that, like you said, they, they’re the things that there’s no finish line to. So we rarely get a chance to look at. You know, the results sometimes of our efforts.
[00:09:29] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:30] Kyle: And I think also sometimes we, the other side of that is even if things are going well, I think sometimes, and I’m guilty of this, is I’m saying, oh, you know, everything’s going pretty well.
When’s the next year gonna drop? Right? Mm-hmm. I’m, I’ve got in the back of my mind that things aren’t ever great for long because the world is full of turmoil and conflict. And I, and I start to feel this dread, like, okay, right. And I don’t really get to enjoy the, the happiness and the joy that’s going on in those moments.
And so the, the idea that you could, that you were alerted to by somebody else, that you know, where you had come from and, and where you had gotten, and then able to share that with your, with your son. And hopefully you can share that with other, your family as well, you know, in, in the, in the right spirit.
But yeah, I like that idea of taking a moment, and maybe that’s something we should do at, at maybe during the holidays or is to identify, okay, when are we gonna do this as a family? And for us, it’s been on my wife’s birthday is where we do that now. We have this tradition we’ve created where I go buy, um, a bunch of hot air balloons and we all write mom a, a message.
Not hot air balloons, but you know what I’m talking about. Balloons that float.
[00:10:50] Cameron: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:51] Kyle: Just the, just the individual ones. And we all take markers out and write on there a message to her and we all release ’em up on her birthday. And it’s a fun little tradition, but it, it gives us a chance to take a step back and, you know, first of all, talk to her a little bit.
Each of my kids can kind of write messages, do those things. And sometimes they share ’em, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they’re a little too. Personal, but it’s also a chance for us to, to get together as a family and then sit down and then kind of review the past year, kind of go through some of the struggles, some of the joys talk about how we’re, you know, where we’re at and what we’re gonna be doing.
And it, it’s probably not a bad idea to take some time as a family or as a group to, to decide when are we gonna make those, when are we gonna have that be our time to do that? Right? Because I matters that we. Focus on the happiness or the joy periodically.
[00:11:43] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:44] Kyle: It gives, it can, can kind of put some wind under our sails, so to speak, you know?
[00:11:49] Camreon: Yeah. It’s, uh, I think it’s one of those things that we, it’s really hard to take time to set a take time set aside for that purpose. Um, I, I do find myself feeling blessed. At different moments, but I don’t, I don’t do a great job of pulling other people into this. My world of looking around and just being in awe at what my father in heaven’s blessed me with.
And you know, just as an example, yesterday, I. It’s a, it was a Sabbath. We went to church, we came home, we had a group, we had some friends and family come over ’cause they had traveled into town to see Hyatt, uh, give us talk. And then after everyone had left, then my kids, basically my family, we started doing scripture study and we had.
Uh, my brother-in-law who was hanging out with us, he, he decided to stay and join us, and as I’m sitting there and the scripture, I, I try my best to do a couple things When I teach, I know it’s probably not popular, but my very first, my first goal is to be engaging or entertaining. That’s number one. It’s, and everybody says, Hey, you gotta teach with the spirit.
I’m like, that’s great, that’s wonderful. But if you’re teaching with the spirit and they’re not engaged or entertained, they’re not gonna, it’s not gonna go in. So I, I have my priorities different and I, I have recognized I’m unique, but as I’m sitting there doing scripture study, one of the things I do for scripture study is I try and have it start.
Then I try and have it end and having it, Hey, we’re ending. This is when we’re ending. Let’s, let’s go. And last night when it was time to, I said, okay, well let’s discuss these things and then we’ll stop. They just kept discussing it and I looked around and I was wondering, in my mind, I was like, as a teenager.
This would’ve been frustrating to me. I would’ve been wanting to get out of there. I’d already been at church for two hours, and now I’m hit having to sit here through a gospel discussion where people are talking about things and I looked around and all of my kids we’re engaged and talking and throwing out their own ideas.
And then my brother-in-law. Uh, my wife said something about, well, isn’t it a commandment to have joy? And he said something sarcastic and the room erupted in joyous laughter. And it was so, I felt so blessed internally looking at my family and recognizing I had one of those families I didn’t think was possible growing up.
One where. They’re all engaged. Even the rebellious ones, right? I have rebellious children and yet they were participating and enjoying and thriving. And so, uh, I, I just reveled in it, but I didn’t bring anyone else in. I didn’t say, look at this, ’cause it kind of feels almost prideful, you know? It feels like it feels almost wrong to celebrate.
How great God is. And I don’t know if that’s that’s a me thing or if it’s a real thing or not, but it just, it feels, it’s hard for me to do. So maybe it means I need to do it ’cause it’s hard.
[00:15:33] Kyle: Um, I would suggest a couple things. If you do it too often, it loses its, it’s impact. Right. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. I mean.
Or it becomes, uh, corny, you know, kids there Sure. They’re corny meters to go off pretty quick. So the idea that I, here’s what I’ve found with each of my kids is if I, if I have my kids together and I say, you guys are great. This is great. It’s, it’s okay. And I don’t do that very often. I, I really find I single ’em out when I’m just with them.
[00:16:11] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:12] Kyle: You know what I’m saying? And just talk to ’em personally about, you know, the, the wonderful things they bring to our family and those kind of things. So I, I’m, I’m more of the, uh, and I think it’s probably ’cause I’m just generally buoyant and I’ve overdone, I think I overdone it in the past and Shelly said, okay, that’s enough.
You don’t need to, every time we get together, you don’t need to tell ’em how, you know what I mean?
[00:16:35] Cameron: Sure. And
[00:16:35] Kyle: so I’m a little conscious of it, but I think the one-on-ones. The one-on-one moments are where I like to do more in-depth stuff too. Right. And, and, and it’s, you know, I think it engineers an opportunity for when you tell your kids how, what a blessing they are to you, it engineers an opportunity for them to, uh, talk with you more.
Right? Because when they’re feeling loved, they’re obviously gonna be more well open to conversation and all those kind of things anyway. Yeah. Which, which are different. Kids are different. Some kids will talk to you, some kids won’t. I.
[00:17:09] Cameron: Yep, that’s true. Um,
[00:17:11] Kyle: and you know, we’ve talked about this before. It’s, every kid is different, every situation is different, right?
Yep. So, but I do like what you said, you know, being led by the spirit, just deciding in those moments, what’s the, the best way to, um, what’s the best way to share your joy with your kids? Right, because I’ve got one kid. I know for sure if we’re all sitting around doing the right things for the right reason.
I say, I can’t believe this is what I dreamed of. You know, and you guys are all doing the right things for the right reasons. Uh, I’ve got one kid that I know that would say, I. You are just trying to kiss my rear end right now so that I’ll do more of this and less of that. I know I’ve got one kid specifically that would, that is where his mind would go immediately.
Uhhuh. That’s fun. And so I’ve got, you know what I’m saying? He’s like, oh, I see what you’re doing, dad. You’re trying to manipulate the situation. So I’ll fall into line more instead of being my true self, you know, which is not which, you know what I’m saying? Yeah. Right. I think we all have those kids and you.
Yep,
[00:18:21] Cameron: I do. And yeah, what’s fun, as I agree with her quickly, I was like, yeah, you bet I am. That’s right. And wouldn’t you, wouldn’t, wouldn’t you want me to do that because it’s gonna be better for you and I hope you do this for your kids. What’s wrong with that anyway? You say it as if it’s an accusation that I’m not pleased with.
Right? Is anything I’m saying wrong? Is anything I’m saying false? If not, yeah, I mean I wouldn’t even tell ’em that Santa Claus was a, was a thing ’cause I didn’t want them to ever have something in their head that I lied to them about. So. Yeah. I’m like, absolutely. I’m, that’s not my main purpose. I was trying to express gratitude, but if that’s gonna help you do more of this stuff, then I’m gonna start doing it more anyway.
[00:19:09] Kyle: Well, and the, the, and now that we’ve talked about the, the looking back side of it and seeing the good, there’s, there’s also the risk of looking back and. Realizing. Yeah. Yeah. And so I, that, that can be a challenge for me right now. Right. In some cases. Sure. I, I don’t mind looking back, and I, and I’m pretty good about focusing on the, on the good.
Mm-hmm. You know, but it, I think naturally those kind of things cross our mind. If I look back at our family five years ago and our family now, I’m like, holy crap. It’s just not the, you know what I mean? There’s a whole lot of ways I can spin it.
[00:19:53] Cameron: Right. And it’s
[00:19:54] Kyle: naturally that are painful for me. Yep. If I’m not, if I’m not really careful about it.
So. Sure. And I’m, I’m usually pretty good though. I’m usually pretty good about if I’m gonna use contrast, I’m gonna use it in a productive way for myself.
[00:20:08] Cameron: Right. But I know
[00:20:09] Kyle: not everybody’s like that. Some people. Compare and contrast is they’re never gonna live up to what they want or expect. You know what I’m saying?
Yeah. There’s that. And so that can be one of the challenges that
[00:20:22] Cameron: quote, uh, comparison is the thief of joy.
[00:20:25] Kyle: Yeah, yeah.
[00:20:27] Cameron: And yeah, yeah. Sometimes, yeah. Comparison is the, is a good kick in the rear end. Sometimes it’s, uh, you know,
[00:20:37] Kyle: if you’re able to look at it like that, if you’re able to look at it and say, you know what, I really haven’t progressed as much as I thought I would in in five years.
You know, what am I, what can I, you know, pay attention to outcomes, right? Mm-hmm. What can, where in what areas do I need to make a change that are gonna get me better outcomes in the next five years? Right?
[00:20:56] Cameron: Right. You
[00:20:56] Kyle: know, you and I have talked about that, where I think some pe sometimes people are afraid.
I don’t really like the word failure. I don’t think it’s a great. Although it doesn’t bother me
[00:21:07] Cameron: mm-hmm. I think
[00:21:08] Kyle: outcomes are a lot easier to look at. Right.
[00:21:10] Cameron: Right. And just
[00:21:11] Kyle: say, okay, if I’m, if I’m, if I’m doing this and the outcome is, is this and it’s not an outcome I care for, you know, what changes am I gonna make Right?
That, that are gonna hopefully lead to better outcomes. And so I think that’s one way to look at it. If you’re not happy with where you’re at, which, which who really is in a lot of cases, right? I mean, we’re all grateful for where we’re at and we know we’ve learned and grown. I. But I didn’t really particularly wanna grow in this area.
I I, I’m gonna have to figure out some different areas that I’ve
[00:21:47] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:21:47] Kyle: Can I choose
[00:21:48] Cameron: different? Yeah, yeah.
[00:21:51] Kyle: Yeah. I don’t think it life works like that, Cameron. I don’t think we get to choose what areas of growth we get to. I want to grow in that guy’s area. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:22:00] Cameron: You know, I was, uh, I was a very, uh, I had a pretty interesting early development.
As a child. ’cause I had such a horrible speech impediment. Um, it was very difficult to educate me because verbally get, you know, that’s how you have kids respond. And I was nonsensical words, no one could understand me. I remember one time in church, they were like, they had me come up to the front and they said, what’s your name?
And I said, it was Cameron. And they said, Kevin. I was like, no, Cameron. And they’re, they’re like, what? And, and so I said, Cameron run. And they’re like. Brian, I was like, what? How can, how can you not understand me? I’m saying it so clearly anyway, right. Realized then, oh wow. People really can’t understand me at all, but I would go to the resource room, so I’d go to speech.
Um, and then I would go to the resource room and I always wanted to do the stuff I was good at. Yeah. And I hated the fact that they wanted me to work on the things that I was horrible at. Right. And yet, you know, that’s what thank goodness they did. And every now and again, they would throw in. Letting me, because I could count money better than all the other kids, you know?
Yeah, sure. You’re laughing. I’m thinking of the other guys I was in the resource room with and. Oh boy, I, my heart, I th I was like the big man in the resource room, if you know what I’m saying. Yeah,
[00:23:34] Kyle: yeah. The king of the five-year-olds. That’s what I call when’s, yeah. Yeah. I’m the king of the five year olds.
You know, that’s, I um, it’s interesting you say that ’cause I was, um, I can’t remember if it was you, Cameron, and you might not have done this on purpose, but you. You brought something to my attention. No, no. It wasn’t you, it was, it was another guy. Phew, but
[00:23:59] Cameron: Dodge black boy. Yeah. But this
[00:24:00] Kyle: time, this time it was another guy.
You brought a lot of things to my attention, but I, I was talking to him about something and it was, and it was pretty personal and it was just, you know, it was when, when there was a time when I was. Just kind of waiting to die, you know? I just really wasn’t, I mean, it was tough. Yeah. And I wanted to be with Shelly so bad that I was battling this internal, you know, cycle of, you know, if I don’t take care of myself, then I’ll die quicker and I can be with her quicker and I can, I can just fade into nothing, you know?
And I’ll be with her, you know, it was this, and it was seemed like a reasonable thing, you know, because of the. Because of the pain I was struggling with. Right, right. I, I came out, you know, I’m, I, I kind of have come out the other side, you know, there’s still parts of me that feel that way sometimes, and it’s a, it’s a challenge I’ll probably face for a while.
I would imagine maybe even till the very end, you know, but Sure. Um, I was sharing that with him and he said to me, what a waste of talent. And I said, what? That was his response to me. Wanting to die. What a waste of talent. And I thought, well, that’s just cold and heartless for him to say that, you know?
[00:25:17] Cameron: Right. That was
[00:25:17] Kyle: my first thought, but then I went and I started thinking about it. You and I talked about this last week. Sometimes when things bother you, they should bother you and you should pay attention. Right. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he saw a talent in me that I didn’t really see in me because he identified a talent that he had seen.
I was gonna waste if I’m not here. You know? And that statement made me, um, realize that I’m, I’m with some of the things that are harder. Like some things come naturally to me, and those are the things I tend to just run towards, like you said. Yeah. But there’s other things that there’s, there’s talent there that’s unrealized.
And he saw that and he, you know, and he brought it to my attention and I’m like, holy crap. I’m the guy who’s burying. That talent and And I really, because it’s hard. That’s a hard one for me, so I’ve just buried it and I’m running with the ones that I’m comfortable with. Oh,
[00:26:18] Cameron: ones you like, yeah. Worked
[00:26:19] Kyle: on the ones I like.
That’s a great way to say it, right. Because I know there are certain areas where I can excel and I can run and I can do good things. And this one’s not one of those ones. It’s one of the ones where I’m like, I didn’t even, I kind of knew it, but I kind of didn’t know it and I didn’t really wanna know it ’cause I wasn’t really pursuing it or, you know, but by bringing it to my attention, he made me realize that it, it brought it to the forefront for me.
Now I’ve gotta, okay, if I don’t do something with this, then I’m really not fulfilling, you know, the talent that. Heavenly father’s given me, and I really need to buckle down and do the hard stuff. Right?
[00:26:56] Cameron: Yeah. The
[00:26:56] Kyle: hard stuff I don’t really wanna do. And it, and it, it reminded me of the guy who prays for patience, you know, and then struggles when he’s, when he’s faced with all these challenges that require patience, gimme patience now.
Give me patience right now. Right? And, and, and then he’s, you know, be careful what you pray for, right?
[00:27:14] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:27:14] Kyle: Because then he’s challenged with all these things that require patience and he has to learn it. You know, and, and, but the things that make us learn those things aren’t really necessarily the, you know, they’re typically not the fun things in our lives that, you know, at least right now, are bringing us kind of joy that we wanna, that we wanna continually experience.
So, yeah.
[00:27:35] Cameron: So then how would you go about pulling other people into your joy? ’cause for the last, probably the last year, nine months. My family’s been overwhelmed with joy and, you know, the, there was a part of me that didn’t say anything for the good, you know, a good long portion of that time. ’cause I did not want to.
Yeah. You know, didn’t wanna Yeah, you don’t wanna,
[00:28:01] Kyle: yeah.
[00:28:02] Cameron: I actually, you know what, it was a i’ll, I’ll, okay. So back when all the stuff was hitting the fan. And we’d had someone break their back. Mary broke her back and then, you know, things started Hyatt, uh, the same weekend, broke his hand, had to have surgery on his hand, and then, uh, Rebecca had to have a jaw bone graft, you know, all in the same, that was within a, a two week period of time.
Okay. I was like, okay, people ask how are things going? I’m like, oh, things are going way better now. ’cause compared to that which we had just gone through, it was way better. And then immediately after that, things got hard again. And so we kept having it. Our normal life was, things were going great, we’d have a little dip.
Great. Everything’s awesome. We’re blessed. Everything’s fine. Little dip. Back to everything. Great. Then it turned into tragedy and hardship and heartbreak with just little tiny, barely little nubs above. Yeah. Horrible things. And so when it had been a while, it, so I stopped talking about, I stopped, I stopped giving real answers.
For real. I mean, I, mm-hmm. People would ask how things were going. I’d be like, well, you know. Because I don’t wanna say things are great. Yeah. ’cause they weren’t, and I’m, you know, come up with the weirdest answers. How are things kicking the pants? That, that one, I, I love that one. You know, it’s like, what’s that mean?
Well, I’m not gonna tell you. You know? Yeah, yeah.
[00:29:48] Kyle: And, and I don’t think they’re asking, they’re just asking out of politeness anyway. In most cases. Yeah. How you doing as a common greeting? Don’t hear, hear your sob stories. Yeah. Well, lemme tell you, do you have two hours? Yeah. You can’t believe it.
[00:30:02] Unsure: Yeah.
[00:30:02] Cameron: Yeah, exactly.
So you think you got it bad? Look at this scar. Yeah. Oh yeah. I got a six inch on this. That’s right. So after a couple months of things going well, I was just ready for the it to go back to bad. Yeah. And then another month of going well, and then my daughter started getting engaged to young men that I love and.
The, and so then I, you know, then it was, it was kind of nice because the focus went from tragedy. Heartache, horrible, unnatural things to happening to my family, to the uniqueness of having three daughters get engaged and get married in the same year. That that was a neat distraction, right? But then things kept getting better and better, and then.
My daughters got married and I experienced for the first time in my, I had the best, my favorite day of my life was watching my daughter get married. That day was the best day I’ve ever had. And so then when people were, you know, I was waiting for someone to ask me, Hey, how’s it going? So I can say, it’s going awesome.
Right? Right. But I didn’t pull anybody into it. And then another wedding the next week, and now my son. Serving a mission. I mean, there’s a song that I love is, you know, life could not be better. You know, it, it is like this is as good as it could possibly be. And it’s just continuing like that. And sure we have our problems.
We don’t, we’re, we’re now my whole family, we’re praying for transportation ’cause our cars are awful. My daughters. And her, uh, husbands, their cars have broken down and you know, my son is gonna be serving a service mission and he needs transportation. We’re trying to figure that out. Life is still the way it is, but it is amazingly awesome right now.
And I don’t know how to pull people into that. And I don’t know how to share it without it being like, Hey guys I like is really good. You know, I don’t wanna be that guy.
[00:32:22] Kyle: Yeah. You know, I had a, I had an experience years ago, um, where I started posting stories about, uh, Eric, my more severe son on the spectrum.
When things would go well, I would write him up and share ’em. Yeah. Or when I’d have, you know, I’d, I would share stories about my son playing football and being a great guy. He’s a big, tall kid and he’s aggressive and. You know, he’s, he’s violent on the football field and then when he comes home, he checks on me and he’s, you know, and it was, and, and I had a guy come to me or say, you know, he hated how social media was just about people bragging about their situation, right?
Mm-hmm. Interest, which we all see. They go on vacations and they post pictures and. And it was kind of, I felt like he pointed at the, that at me, and I know he didn’t.
[00:33:15] Cameron: Right.
[00:33:16] Kyle: But I, I felt when he said that, I felt that, you know, and so I thought about that a little bit and I realized for me a lot of what, what I was doing was I was, I was trying to show people that even though things are going wrong, and even though there’s challenges, you can still be happy and you can.
It’s possible, right? Yes. I mean, ’cause I think sometimes people get mired in the pain of things and they see other people celebrating and they’re like, if I could just, if I could do that. Right? Yep. And, and I, and I, I, I wrote this guy and I said, Hey, the reason I do what I do is I want other families to see that it’s possible.
It’s not that I’m bragging, although it’s a. Underhanded, sneaky way of getting away with that.
[00:34:05] Cameron: Yeah. You
[00:34:05] Kyle: know, there’s, there is pride in having great kids, right? Yeah. There’s, there’s, there’s something to be said about your kids making great decisions and doing the right things and, and being proud of ’em for those things, right?
Mm-hmm. But I also told them, Hey, everything could go horribly wrong tomorrow. I realize that. You know what I’m saying? And I might have a kid in the basement right now preparing to kill me. I just don’t know it yet. I mean, I’m not saying I’m above any of it. Right. Right. Um. The other, the other thing that, when, as you were talking about that, that crossed my mind is really is to, is you know, and this became, I’ve, I’ve always been a good, good about documenting stories in our family and events.
And I’m always, I’ve always been really good about writing down about the pain and struggle, but then saying, how am I gonna escape? Or what are my plans to move forward with hope and courage and faith? And it really, I think. It really became super evident to me after Shelly passed away, and I just, I, I would sit in my bed and write every night.
I would write stories about her or, and I was in, I was in the middle of that tragedy and that the, the pain and suffering was overwhelming, but because I was writing about it, the overwhelming pain and the suffering, and then saying, I know I’ve got help. I know my Heavenly Father’s gonna support me. I know why I am here.
I. I know what the, that this is just a, a moment in my life that I’ll have to face and I’ll see her again. And I think what it did was it gave me documenting those things really, I think I. You know, and you, I think you said you’re not a writer, but you do have a writer in your family, right? Which is,
or someone that does like to write Oldest.
Oldest daughter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:35:50] Cameron: So I’m not saying it’s the best and luckily number one and number five are both documenting it. So we’re getting, now we’re getting two perspectives, the adult perspective and the teenager perspective,
[00:35:59] Kyle: which is, which not only is that cool, but it doesn’t mean you have to draw people in.
In the moment either, right?
[00:36:06] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:36:07] Kyle: I mean, what you write can last for a long time. I mean, it can last forever. Ultimately, you know that that documented those experiences. I mean, what would we be doing if those people who crossed the, you know, the pioneers who crossed the planes, didn’t write about it?
[00:36:23] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:36:23] Kyle: It would be legend. Uh, we might think there was like dragons attacking him or something, you know what I’m saying? Sure. I, that’s the reality of the situation, right? Because we would, it would be this story that gets adjusted and we know how stories change and they get untrue and they get glamorized and they turn into something that they weren’t, you know?
But when we’re documenting those things, the other thing that, that I really believe in, and I truly, truly believe in this, is that. You know, I feel like I have a responsibility, and this is just me personally. When I see good in other kids or people or their families, I’m gonna tell ’em because I think that is the way that we can share our.
You know, things are going good for us. That’s the time we need to start serving others. And well, sometimes the best way to serve is to, is to pay attention to who, what is good around us in other families and say, Hey, I’m seeing that.
[00:37:26] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:37:27] Kyle: I see what your kids are doing. And that’s fantastic. I, I, I’m noticing your joy and that’s a great way for us to just, ’cause that’s always happening around us.
You know, the individual that came up to you after your son’s talk said. Tell me this.
[00:37:42] Cameron: Mm-hmm. And
[00:37:43] Kyle: it, and it just reminded you and it, and it gave you another opportunity to, to feel that joy at a high, higher level that you may or may not have, have had the opportunity to, you know? So, you know, my, the anniversary of my wife’s past is coming up, uh, in October.
[00:38:00] Cameron: Yeah. So a
[00:38:00] Kyle: couple months away. It’s gonna be three years, Cameron. And it’s shocking to me somehow.
And,
um, after the first year. When the first year anniversary came up, I was scared to death when October was getting close.
[00:38:17] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:38:17] Kyle: And I was, I’m like, I don’t, I, I can’t disappear for a month, but I could feel the weight of it.
And so I remember thinking, you know, what can I do to face it? You know what I mean? And I remember thinking, you know what, Shelly Beautified everything she touched, so maybe there’s a way I can. Uh, ask people to help me beautify or to, to carry on her legacy somehow through this month, and I came up with a plan and, and, and I implemented this plan and I watched, and it was, it was really wonderful to watch other people.
I challenged people. I said, Hey, find somebody that you’re thinking of that needs a call, that you need to tell you love ’em. Do that
today.
Right? And if people reported back to me and it just uplifted me beyond belief. That they were able to do that and beautify other people’s lives. And so I think a big part of what we can do is sometimes it’s gonna be hard for us to suck them into our joy.
[00:39:15] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:39:17] Kyle: But to find their joy and, and, and help them see it, or tell them you see it, that, that there’s no pride in that whatsoever. Right. That’s just saying, Hey dude, I see I, you know, I see you doing this. Or I see I saw your son or your daughter, or. I caught a, a couple that I go to church with one day, uh, Sharon Sweet Kiss in the parking lot.
Just a sweet kiss.
[00:39:44] Cameron: Mm-hmm. And
[00:39:44] Kyle: it, it overwhelmed me.
[00:39:47] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:39:47] Kyle: You know, I was like, holy crap. And it was just so beautiful. A little bit later on, you know, the next week at church I saw him and I said, Hey man, I gotta tell you something. I caught you brother. He said, what’d you catch me doing? I said, I saw you kissing your Sweet Li wife in the parking lot.
And he’s like, what? And I said, you have no idea what that did to my heart. It just made me so happy.
[00:40:16] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:40:16] Kyle: And I said, I don’t know what you’re gonna do with it. Tell your wife if you want to, or don’t tell her if you don’t want to, but you did something for me that I want you to know. You did it for me in that moment.
And he and I had a pr, a a pretty emotional moment together because of, of something I saw. And I think he would, you know, it gave me the opportunity to share with him how he’s changed my life, prove my life, and I have a feeling it did something for him too. Right? And so we have the opportunity to do that all over the plot at the time.
There’s a lot of good stuff going on around us, and it’s not hard to catch people. You know, if you look at church, if you watch at church how people talk to each other or how they, how couples look at each other, or, you know, a dad walking out with a screaming kid and the dad is smiling, you know?
[00:41:08] Cameron: Yeah. To
[00:41:08] Kyle: me, that’s so great, you know, because he could be mad and angry and frustrated, but he’s smiling and he’s carrying a kid screaming bloody murder.
I’m gonna run to that guy and say, dude, I saw that that was so great. He’s like, I can’t stop. No, no, no. The the kid has nothing to do with it. Your smile. Told me everything I needed to know about how you’re trying to do what’s right in that heightened crazy could have made you a lot of things moment, but it made you smile and it, you know, so there’s things we, if looking for those things, we’ll find them.
And if we find them, it’s really a good idea to say something, you know, just figure out how to say it in a spirit of love and, and I think that adds to other people’s joy and maybe it will remind them. ’cause people have done it to me. People have come up to me and they’ve reminded me and said, kind thing me.
And it’s reminded me, you know, of the joy that I’m, that I have in my life. And, and it’s, and we need that. We all need that from each other. I.
[00:42:09] Cameron: That’s awesome. So takeaways, um, catch other people doing something good and joyous and bring it to their attention that you noticed so that they can maybe internally go, oh yeah, that’s right.
It is this way and there is joy. I love that. Um, also, you know what I’m, I think I’m going to post on Facebook. I don’t think I’ve been on for six months or so. Uh, I’m gonna just write a post and say, Hey, a lot of you know the hardship we’ve been through. If you want to read some of the goodness, continue reading.
If you don’t want to, ’cause you know, don’t, this is gonna be full of sappy joy stuff, so please, I love it. Skip it if needs be. I think I’ll do that before next week. ’cause I feel. It feels in. It feels like I don’t have as much gratitude as I need to have if I’m not. Sharing it with others, you know? Right.
It’s almost like it’s not, I’m not a worthy recipient ’cause this is coming from God. It’s not, it’s not like, oh hey, look how great the Watson are. Right. It’s like, whoa, look how blessed we are. And some of you know, little bits and pieces of what we went through. Nobody knows at all. In fact. Yeah. Nobody does, including our own kids.
Right? They can’t. Right? We can’t. They can’t know. Uh, Sarah and I together have a fairly good idea of most of the stuff, but even that, we’re still missing bits and pieces. ’cause we know that our adult children stop sharing stuff with us that were hard because they didn’t want to add to our burden.
[00:43:57] Kyle: Right.
[00:43:58] Cameron: So, right. Yeah. Anyway, I think it’s good. I’m gonna do a post. I’m gonna gonna do a it, and it’s gonna be in preparation for Thanksgiving coming up, and it’s just. The precursor. I Thanksgiving’s the best holiday. It’s my favorite holiday. You can try and disagree with me, but there’s nothing, there’s nothing as great as to get together to be, to celebrate being grateful.
And you know, Christmas is commercialized and there’s the whole Santa versus Christ thing. And then New Year’s is like, well have fun with your party, but. Be careful ’cause of all the drunks on the road. Right, right. There’s nothing about Thanksgiving and you know. The don’t get me going on Halloween, but it’s the, Hey, give me something or I’m gonna do something to you with a trick.
I’m not a fan of that one as much. So yeah, I’m, I’m getting excited about Thanksgiving leading into the celebration of Christ, leading into the new year of, Hey, let me, I’m going to change. Yeah. And because of what Christ did and my gratitude for what he’s done, I’m gonna try and do more this coming year and change even more so.
[00:45:11] Kyle: Well, and I think I’m
[00:45:12] Cameron: gonna get a post done.
[00:45:13] Kyle: I think that the approach, and I just realized this as you were talking, Cameron, the approach I, I think I take and I wanna take is that these things that are good are gifts.
[00:45:28] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:45:28] Kyle: Right? It’s not something I deserve. It’s not something I work to achieve gifts.
Right. So many of the things we receive in our lives are just gifts. Or, you know, we can do the same thing and fail, fail, fail. And, but if we look at, if we look at our blessings as gifts, overwhelmingly as gifts, there’s no pride in receiving a gift. You know what I’m saying? It’s, it’s, it’s humbling to think that we’ve been given so many gifts and if we write it with that attitude as opposed to here’s how great my life is, ’cause I’ve worked hard and deserve it, it changes the way we ride it.
It changes the way we see it. And I think it’s a, it’s, it’s always gonna get us better outcomes to, to realize that, you know, sure. We work hard. Sure we buy a lot of stuff, but it’s really just a bunch of gifts and we just need to be grateful for the gifts we receive. Right.
[00:46:20] Unsure: And yeah.
[00:46:22] Kyle: And that, that, that becomes a humbling experience as opposed to feeling prideful about something like that.
Right. These are gifts. Agreed. Yeah. So good stuff, Cameron.
[00:46:32] Cameron: Well. I think that’s a great place to end it. Thanks. Sounds good, Cameron.
[00:46:36] Kyle: Thanks Cameron. Uh, writing down about the pain and struggle, but then saying, how am I gonna escape? Or what plans to move forward with hope and courage and faith. And it really, I think it really became super evident to me after Shelly passed away and I just, I, I would sit in my bed and write every night I would write stories about her or, and I was in, I was in the middle of that tragedy.
That the, the pain and suffering was overwhelming. Mm-hmm. But because I was writing about it, the overwhelming pain and the suffering and then saying, I know I’ve got help. I know my Heavenly Father’s gonna support me. I know why I am here. I know what the, that this is just a, a moment in my life that I’ll have to face and I’ll see her again.
And I think what it did was it gave me documenting those things really, I think. You know, and you, I think you said you’re not a writer, but you do have a writer in your family, right? Which is,
or someone that does like to write My oldest daughter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
[00:47:38] Cameron: yeah. So I’m not saying it’s the best and luckily, number one and number five are both documenting it.
So we’re getting, now we’re getting two perspectives. The adult perspective. Yeah. And the teenager perspective,
[00:47:49] Kyle: which is, which not only is that cool, but it doesn’t mean you have to draw people in. In the moment either, right?
[00:47:56] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:47:56] Kyle: I mean, what you write can last for a long time. I mean, it can last forever.
Ultimately, you know that that documented those experiences. I mean, what would we be doing if those people who crossed the, you know, the pioneers who crossed the planes, didn’t write about it?
[00:48:12] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:48:13] Kyle: It would be legend. Uh, we might think there was like dragons attacking him or something, you know what I’m saying?
Sure. I, that’s the reality of the situation, right? Because we would, it would be this story that gets adjusted and we know how stories change and they get untrue and they get glamorized and they turn into something that they weren’t, you know? But when we’re documenting those things, the other thing that, that I really believe in, and I truly, truly believe in this, is that.
You know, I feel like I have a responsibility, and this is just me personally. When I see good in other kids or people or their families, I’m gonna tell ’em because I think that is the way that we can share our joy. You know, things are going good for us. That’s the time we need to start serving others. And well, sometimes the best way to serve.
Is to, is to pay attention to who, what is good around us in other families and say, Hey, I’m seeing that.
[00:49:16] Cameron: Mm-hmm. I
[00:49:16] Kyle: see what your kids are doing. And that’s fantastic. I, I, I’m noticing your joy. And that’s a great way for us to just, ’cause that’s always happening around us. You know, the individual that came up to you after your son’s talk said, tell me this.
[00:49:32] Cameron: Mm-hmm. And
[00:49:32] Kyle: it, and it just reminded you and it. And it gave you another opportunity to, to feel that joy at a high, higher level that you may or may not have, have had the opportunity to, you know? So, you know, my, the anniversary of my wife’s passing is coming up, uh, in October.
[00:49:50] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:49:50] Kyle: So a couple months away.
It’s gonna be three years, Cameron. And it’s shocking to me somehow.
And,
um, after the first year when the first year anniversary came up, I was scared to death. When October was getting close.
[00:50:06] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:50:07] Kyle: And I was, I’m like, I don’t, I, I can’t disappear for a month, but I could feel the weight of it. And so I remember thinking, you know, what can I do to face it?
You know what I mean? I remember thinking, you know what, Shelly Beautified everything she touched, so maybe there’s a way I can, uh. Ask people to help me beautify or to, to carry on her legacy somehow through this month. And I came up with a plan and, and, and I implemented this plan and I watched, and it was, it was really wonderful to watch other people.
I challenged people, I said, Hey, find somebody that you’re thinking of that needs a call, that you need to tell you love ’em. Do that
today.
Right? And if people reported back to me and it just uplifted me beyond belief. That they were able to do that and beautify other people’s lives. And so I think a big part of what we can do is sometimes it’s gonna be hard for us to suck them into our joy.
[00:51:05] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:51:06] Kyle: But to find their joy and, and, and help them see it, or tell them you see it, that there, there’s no pride in that whatsoever. Right. That’s just saying, Hey dude, I see I, you know, I see you doing this. Or I see I saw your son or your daughter, or. I caught a, a couple that I go to church with one day, uh, Sharon Sweet Kiss in the parking lot.
Just a sweet kiss.
[00:51:33] Cameron: Mm-hmm.
[00:51:34] Kyle: And it, it overwhelmed me.
[00:51:37] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:51:37] Kyle: You know, I was like, holy crap. And it was just so beautiful. A little bit later on, you know, the next week at church I saw him and I said, Hey man, I gotta tell you something. I caught you brother. He said, what’d you catch me doing? I said, I saw you kissing your Sweet Li wife in the parking lot.
And he’s like, what? And I said, you have no idea what that did to my heart. It just made me so happy.
[00:52:05] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:52:06] Kyle: And I said, I don’t know what you’re gonna do with it. Tell your wife if you want to, or don’t tell her if you don’t want to, but you did something for me that I want you to know. You did it for me in that moment.
And he and I had a pr, a a pretty emotional moment together because of, of something I saw. And I think he would, you know, it gave me the opportunity to share with him how he’s changed my life, prove my life, and I have a feeling it did something for him too. Right? And so we have the opportunity to do that all over the plot at the time.
There’s a lot of good stuff going on around us, and it’s not hard to catch people. You know, if you look at church, if you watch at church how people talk to each other or how they, how couples look at each other, or, you know, a dad walking out with a screaming kid and the dad is smiling, you know?
[00:52:57] Cameron: Yeah. To
[00:52:58] Kyle: me, that’s so great, you know, because he could be mad and angry and frustrated, but he’s smiling and he’s carrying a kid screaming bloody murder.
I’m gonna run to that guy and say, dude, I saw that that was so great. He’s like, I can’t stop. No, no, no. The the kid has nothing to do with it. Your smile. Told me everything I needed to know about how you’re trying to do what’s right in that heightened crazy could have made you a lot of things moment, but it made you smile and it, you know, so there’s things we, if looking for those things, we’ll find them.
And if we find them, it’s really a good idea to say something, you know, just figure out how to say it in a spirit of love and, and I think that adds to other people’s joy and maybe it will remind them. ’cause people have done it to me. People have come up to me and they’ve reminded me and said, kind thing me.
And it’s reminded me, you know, of the joy that I’m, that I have in my life. And, and it’s, and we need that. We all need that from each other.
[00:53:59] Cameron: That’s awesome. So takeaways, um, catch other people doing something good and joyous and bring it to their attention that you noticed so that they can maybe internally go, oh yeah, that’s right.
It is this way and there is joy. I love that. Um, also, you know what I’m, I think I’m going to post on Facebook. I don’t think I’ve been on for six months or so. Uh, I’m gonna just write a post and say, Hey, a lot of you know the hardship we’ve been through. If you want to read some of the goodness, continue reading.
If you don’t want to, ’cause you know, don’t. Yeah, this is gonna be full of sappy joy stuff, so please, I love it. Skip it if needs be. I think I’ll do that before next week. ’cause I feel. It feels in. It feels like I don’t have as much gratitude as I need to have if I’m not. Sharing it with others, you know?
Right. It’s almost like it’s not, I’m not a worthy recipient ’cause this is coming from God. It’s not, it’s not like, oh hey, look how great the Watson are. Right. It’s like, whoa, look how blessed we are. And some of you know, little bits and pieces of what we went through. Nobody knows at all. In fact. Yeah.
Nobody does, including our own kids. Right? They can’t. Right? We can’t. They can’t know. Uh, Sarah and I together have a fairly good idea of most of the stuff, but even that, we’re still missing bits and pieces. ’cause we know that our adult children stop sharing stuff with us that were hard because they didn’t want to add to our burden.
[00:55:47] Kyle: Right.
[00:55:47] Cameron: So, right. Yeah. Anyway, I think it’s good. I’m gonna do a post. I’m gonna do a it, and it’s gonna be in preparation for Thanksgiving coming up, and it’s just. The precursor. I Thanksgiving’s the best holiday. It’s my favorite holiday. You can try and disagree with me, but there’s nothing, there’s nothing as great as to get together to be, to celebrate being grateful.
And you know, Christmas is commercialized and there’s the whole Santa versus Christ thing. And then New Year’s is like, well have fun with your party, but. Be careful ’cause of all the drunks on the road. Right? Right. There’s nothing about Thanksgiving and you know, the don’t get me going on Halloween, but it’s the, Hey, give me something or I’m gonna do something to you with a trick.
I’m not a fan of that one as much, so I. Yeah, I’m, I’m getting excited about Thanksgiving, leading on to the celebration of Christ, leading into the new year of, Hey, let me, I’m going to change. Yeah. And because of what Christ did and my gratitude for what he’s done, I’m gonna try and do more this coming year and change even more so.
[00:57:01] Kyle: Well, and I think I’m
[00:57:01] Cameron: gonna get a post done.
[00:57:03] Kyle: I think that the approach, and I just realized this as you were talking, Cameron. The approach I, I think I take and I wanna take is that these things that are good are gifts.
[00:57:17] Cameron: Yeah.
[00:57:18] Kyle: Right? It’s not something I deserve. Nope. It’s not something I work to achieve.
Gifts. Right. So many the things we receive in our lives are just gifts or, you know, we can do the same thing and fail, fail, fail. And, but if we look at, if we look at. Our blessings as gifts, overwhelmingly as gifts. There’s no pride in receiving a gift. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. It’s, it’s, it’s humbling to think that we’ve been given so many gifts and if we ride it with that attitude as opposed to here’s how great my life is, ’cause I’ve worked hard and deserve it, it changes the way we ride it.
It changes the way we see it. And I think it’s a, it’s, it’s always gonna get us better outcomes to, to realize that. You know, sure. We work hard. Sure we buy a lot of stuff, but it’s really just a bunch of gifts and we just need to be grateful for the gifts we receive. Right.
[00:58:09] Unsure: And
[00:58:10] Kyle: yeah. And that, that, that becomes a humbling experience as opposed to feeling prideful about something like that.
Right. These are gifts. Agreed. Yeah. So good stuff, Cameron. Well
[00:58:23] Cameron: I think that’s a great place to end it. .
[00:58:26] Kyle: Thanks Cameron.